Mischa by Edward Belamy 2010  


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John WordWeaver 

King Arthur's of Camelot Quest for Laser Toner Cartridges


Every month we have think-tank meetings, the latest one was all about Laser Toner Cartridges. These all have different historical themes, this month we were all characters from King Arthur's Court. The head of these think tanks is Bellamy Lafontaine from Merchandising who always picks himself the best roles, today he chose to be King Arthur. Naturally. Previously he's been Darth Vader, Captain James Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, but was seen at his very best as the power-obsessed dark wizard Lord Voldemort, a role which suited him so very well.

I'm head of marketing and I was chosen as the chisel jawed handsome Sir Lancelot. Excellent casting if I do say so myself.

Barry Theobald-Hick from Creative Design was Merlin complete with a silly pointed hat and a incandescent wand.      Include informative, dynamic and punchy in your copy,' is his only input which he drones and repeats and repeats.

The last member of the think tank is the predatory Cruella Black, from the Human Resources Empire who was the Queen Guinevere. She looked bored stiff and was buffing her fingernails earnestly.

Previously she's been as a convincing seductive temptress Cleopatra, but was totally miscast and out of depth as Snow or as somebody was heard to remark 'she played Snow White as if she had drifted' but was awesome for her jaw dropping, show stopping portrayal of a pink chewing-gum large bubble popping elderly Queen Victoria.

'Sir Lancelot,' King Arthur began 'We want you and your chaps to come up with a campaign highlighting just how much can be saved by purchasing either Original or Compatible Laser Toner Cartridges direct from ALDENHAM PLUS whilst also informing everybody in Camelot that all products are fully guaranteed with a no-quibble guarantee.'

'Include the words informative, dynamic and punchy in your copy,' Merlin droned again.

'Your the best marketing executive we have bar none,' Queen Guinevere flattered Sir Lancelot. 'Apart from Jenkins who is off with glandular fever and Carruthers who is also much better than you too, but is off on holiday. But we have a unshakeable faith and trust in your abilities too. You are almost the best we have.'

'Would you prefer my marketing chaps to recommend either type of cartridge?'

'No. That's all up to the end users.' King Arthur proclaimed. 'Just give them the facts and the best possible prices. Emphasise and HIGHLIGHT that the Original Branded Products produce the highest quality print and reproduction but HIGHLIGHT too that Compatibles can often be up to half the price of Originals and the copies are often more than suitable for their requirements.

Tell them they have nothing to lose by asking us for our quotation.'

'I will make my this quest King Arthur,' I promised with a exaggerated low bow and cute curtsey.

'Include the words informative, dynamic and punchy in your copy,' Merlin droned again.

'One more inane interruption from you,' Queen Guinevere ominously warned Merlin, 'and I will turn you into a frog!'

Apparently turning staff into frogs is not illegal and used extensively by HR in order to keep dissent to a minimum.

'Stick in the words, definitely, awesome and magnificent they are fine Camelot words,' King Arthur added. 'Do not forget to mention our free overnight delivery and that we'll pick up all their used empty toners too'

'USE BOLD TYPE AND CAPITALS TOO' Merlin blurted out without thinking through the life changing consequences.

Queen Guinevere stopped her fingernail buffing and turned Merlin the Magician into a frog. Just like that.

For our big money saving prices on both


Laser Toner Cartridges contact our awesome


sales desk team on 01268 571114

or email sales@aldenhamplus.com or visit www.aldenhamplus.com

'DEFINITELY do not ask for the AWESOME and MAGNIFICENT marketing department.

We will be busy preparing our next think tank to promote our ranges of binding strips, covers,and presentation files with the historical theme backdrop being the

Three Musketeers.

Naturally Bellamy Lafontaine is d'Artagnan, naturally I'm the handsome chiselled-jawed Pathos,

Ms. Black is the pink chewing gum bubble popping Aramis and Theobald-Hick is a frog called Barry.



NEW easy carry Postsafe handle bag


There is a new product in Town.

It may be ready to down load and already on our web site www.aldenhamplus.com, code 104140 and comes in packs of 3 or 100


They had a launch to present the new range, with a fly-by by the Red Arrows, free food and drinks supplied by red lipped gloss high heeled pretty little things with names like Tiffany, Cindy and Bo.    

I was invited to the event but they wouldn't let me fly any of the Red Arrows and told me to take the flying helmet off and get out of the cockpit. 

Nor would they let me anywhere near the drinks or the girls, but I did sneak into the food tent and stuff as much food into the 104140 easy carry Postsafe handle bag as I could including canapés, olives and Twiglets.   

Highly recommended, I can vouch for the size, the easy carry handle the canapés and olives but the Twiglets I hated, they always burn and get stuck in my throat, and still taste like Bovril flavoured lolly sticks.   Yuck!

For all your stationery needs or advice on nibbles call John on 01268 571114

or email sales@aldenhamplus.com or visit www.aldenhamplus.com







 Nicola Bailey Gibson  Gardening MicroRead       Image Bo Nightingale





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