This site and these pages are currently under construction
Perfect Coffee for Espresso Virgins
72 hours later we decided to try the star of the kitchen a brand new espresso machine – why not? For Daphne Le Cuisine, hostess with the mostest micro sized fifth floor concrete apartment box, this appliance was a USP for the sea view holiday let.
We had been provided with a box of Espresso Dolce Gusto 100% Arabica roast and ground coffee which claimed to be “The Modern Art of Coffee”. As a connoisseur of instant freeze dried, I considered myself to be an Espresso Extra Virgin.
Here are 10 Essential Steps to Perfect Coffee for Espresso Virgins
Despite the speciality coffee machine being located in the kitchenette and adjacent to the sink area, it is most definitely not plumbed into the mains. A removable container at the rear of the machine requires teasing gently out and the vessel, created for design rather than ease of operation, requires filling with H2O to the stated limit. Having taken care not to exceed the indicated maximum level, this is then teased back into place restoring the ergometric design lines
If you have jumped rule two and placed a coffee ‘pod’ into the ‘pod draw' by the highly stylised ‘pod draw handle’, you will not have cheated the system since you have to do rule two first.
Switch the power on. The internationally instantly recognisable power symbol shows red. This is a temporary colour – be patient. It will turn green….. eventually.
Place an Espresso cup or similar on the container space situated towards the centre of the unit and directly below the pod drawer. You will discover that this area has two height settings when you drown the table cloth presently.
Wait for the symbol to turn green.
Pressing any pressable item – namely the hot / cold option lever before the symbol turns green only confuses both the machine and the Espresso Virgin operator when absolutely nothing happens.
Having skipped Rule 2 and already inserted a coffee ‘pod’ into the ‘pod draw' in the excitement of soon losing yourEspresso Extra Virginity, and complied with Rule 4 by remaining patient, you next need to position a suitably size vessel into the Vessel Placement Area. Only then may you operate the hot / cold option lever positioning left for cold drinks and right for hot drinks.
Do not assume the Neuveau Espresso Machine contains any pre-programming. It does not. The only human interface is the internationally recognisable red to green power button and the non internationally recognisable but guessable hot / cold option lever.
Once it is on, it is on.
There are no non-human changes to the functionality of the machine save for an electrical power cut over which neither you nor the machine has any control.
Be mindful if rule six, and
do not assume that once you have pressed the lever to the right and scalding water is filtering through the Nouveu Espresso Coffee, that the flow will halt when the coffee cup is full – it will not
and specifically note that your delicious Aribicaroast and ground coffee will rapidly be diluted as a stream of hot water overfills the espresso cup, runs through the grid and into the ‘Idiot Surplus Liquid’ container.
In the event of rule seven not being complied with at point a., immediately upon realising that operator action is required, apply the lever to the central upright position before the ‘Idiot Surplus Liquid’ container overfills and drowns the table cloth too.
a Remove all vessels containing 99% dilute arabica roast and ground coffee;
b dry all surface areas
c find a new expresso cup
d place a new pod next to the machine
e refill the rear vessel with fresh H2O.
Re-read 1 – 9 and make a really lovely cup of coffee to compliment your fresh French abricotPâtisserie and enjoy!